A few snipets of mundane life

The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women by Jessica Valenti (via aequinoctium)

but what if you’re not capable of orgasming? or you have dysphoria that prevents you from allowing yourself to be touched in places that induce orgasm? or you and your partner are just gettin’ down and havin’ a good time and neither of you orgasms? is everything you just did, for hours at a time, not sex? if sex can be defined as an encounter with another person that results in an orgasm, then i’ve had sex with myself infinitely more times than i’ve had sex with someone else.

to focus on the orgasm is to create this final, end goal that a sexual experience should culminate in, which for many people can take away the fun of just being with that other person in whatever capacity you find yourselves. when you’re worried about getting the other person off, you’re not paying as much attention to the rest of the experience — and this also sets up a blurry boundary of “foreplay” vs “sex,” which i am extremely opposed to, because too many times have people who don’t have penetrative sex been told that what they consider to be sex is “just foreplay.” while this seems to be something that dissolves that boundary, i argue that it actually strengthens it, because now any experience that i have with someone that doesn’t involve an orgasm is suddenly “just foreplay,” despite the fact that we’ve probably just spent 2+ hours having a wonderful time with each other’s naked bodies.

i don’t think that a blanket definition of “what is sex” is really necessary or particularly helpful. i think it is much more sex positive, consent positive, and individually respectful if we each have our own definitions of what “sex” is and we talk about it before — or while — we touch each other. this kind of communication is something that should be happening before sexual encounters (barring anonymous / drunken hook-ups, which i won’t discredit here, but i do think that after such encounters, individuals involved should at least have a quick “so what just happened” discussion) not only to define what each person involved is going to think about what is about to happen, but also to establish boundaries / ground rules and disclose any STI / pregnancy / protective information. if we move away from “sex” as a definitive, this+this=sex activity, then we facilitate more conversation and move away from heterocentric and ciscentric ideology.

(via crassygrass)

^^^
Commentary. Thank you!

(via sopleasant)

i just want to argue because i’m an asshole. but i’m not enough of an asshole to actually come up with drunken arguments. therefore REBLOG.

(via sopleasant)